What is, is what must be

Well, it's been a while since I posted. I have had a lot to do, and to be honest I've been too upset to write about it. Even for therapeutic purposes.

The dispensation for the bunnies to fly to Norway with us was denied; they have a zero-tolerance policy on the vaccinations. It's sad, I mean - I can understand why they're so strict, I just wish it wasn't so. As they are vaccinated a serological (blood) test would have shown positive for Myxomatosis and RVHD, so therefore they cannot allow them into the Country. Essentially, if we had been irresponsible pet owners in the UK and not vaccinated, we would have been ok. But, what can be done? Nothing else, we have tried our best and hardest and this was not meant to be.

Anyway, we had to say goodbye. It was a very hard thing for us both to do, and honestly I think if we had known this we wouldn't have gone through with the move. Things had gone too far though, we had both quit our jobs. Made plans. I still feel like this is the path we are meant to be walking right at this very moment, but still...  it f*cking hurts.

In the van, they have no idea they're never going home

We managed to get them into a good re-homing shelter, Cuddly Critters. Leaving them there was so hard, I wanted to take them out and cuddle them one last time but I couldn't, they looked ok though, they weren't scared. The lady at the shelter said she thought they had a good chance of being re-homed, but I just know that until they do, they won't be out of their cages much. No more free-run of the house with eternal fusses and fresh kale (their favourite) It's also totally put me off kale. To us, Boo and Penny meant - MEAN - a lot. We feel like we have let them down, and I feel like I have sacrificed them to do what I want.

Little Boo, always by my side

Penny, her beautiful fussy face

Some people (I know) think me being this sad is an over-reaction, I mean - it's just a rabbit? right? you can see it in their faces, they don't get it. Well-meaning friends say "you can just get another rabbit in Norway", like that's an obvious f*cking solution I just hadn't thought of. I don't want to get another pet, not yet. I know that Hans wants another bunny soon, but... we had Laila (our last bunny) who died from cancer Jan 2013, our hamster, Girlie, died of old-age about a month ago. I've just abandoned 2 beautiful bunnies who were bonded to us, and as I write this post, our last pet - Woozles the hamster - is literally dying in his cage from old-age and cancer. I mean literally, I have to keep turning around to check. I don't want to do this anymore. I need to be pet-free for a while, I need to be sad and be angry and recover.

I have had some overwhelming kindness and support from some friends, one particular friend even helped me with hiring a van and driving us the 3 (or 4 hours when you get lost) drive down to Essex and 3 hours back. And on the way back he did the best thing anyone could have done; made me laugh. Took my mind off it and distracted me. Shared in the the drinking of coffee. Thank you Az. Once I was home I had strict orders to go to the house of another friend to eat and have a glass of wine. I told her I wouldn't be in the mood, I would be upset - but she just shrugged her shoulders and said "so? just let me know what time you're ready..." so thank you too, Harriet.

The blog title is a quote from 'Watership Down', by Richard Adams - it's one of my favourite books and animated movies about rabbits.  And right now that quote means a lot to me.

Goodbye, bunnies. I love you - we love you - and I'm so sorry.