Saturday, 20 September 2008

The Last Week of ROM: Space Lab! (91 days)

Well this week has been pretty busy and as some of you know I have been REALLY up and down which is why I haven't posted much. My mood has improved alot now, and I realise that I just have to try and think more positively. At the beginning of the week everything just got to me; I was really missing Hans, I was sick (therefore stuck in my room), I decided to spring clean and realised how dirty the kitchen actually was, and I think (a big factor actually) is that I hadn't trained since the Thai Boxing trial session...

I gave the gym a go on Thursday night, it was pretty good actually I am going to join on Monday - the really nice guy at the reception let me have a trial session for free (actually I think I interupted whatever he was listening to on his headphones and he just couldnt be bothered to talk to me!) So I had a good workout and really cleaned out the last of the sniffles and alot of stress. I was annoyed with myself afterwards, whenever I get down or stressed I am so frustrated with trying to find out why, and every time I fail to remember that excercise will REALLY help. Especially if you are used to doing alot anyway - I remember when I used to train Thai Boxing nearly every day (pretty much every day apart from Sunday actually) and go to the gym and run, then I got a knee injury and had to take a break and I got really depressed. Your body gets so addicted to the endorphins and to just stop like that makes you go on a real downer. Looking back now I have never managed to get to my original level, I still do some form of training nearly every day but its not as intense. I think I am scared to get back to that again... who knows. I am also alot busier though - and happier generally. I remember starting Thai Boxing when I was living with my ex and having a very hard time personally - I needed to start building my life up ouside of my usual routines and it worked - increased confidence and fitness, made new friends (and met Hans!) so it was meant to be, and I think maybe I just don't need it as much anymore.

Anyway, slightly waffled on there and lost my track :)

So, where was I? Oh yes, thinking positively - I need to do that more. I think I am hassling Hans a bit too much to come and visit me at the minute; my reasoning is that if he comes for a long weekend at the end of October that is 6 weeks away and something I can look forward too (less than 6 weeks now actually) and then after he goes home it will only be another 6 weeks until I see him again at Christmas. When I actually write that down I realise maybe it's pretty selfish - it's alot of money and hassle and time of work just for a few days, and even though 12 weeks away seems alot to me at the moment its not that long. Maybe I should just leave him alone and if he wants to come, he can come. I dreamt last night that I went home for a weekend so when I got up this morning I started to look at flights; annoyingly I think Sterling have stopped flying to East Midlands from Oslo, but one random german company flies from Bergen to Birmingham, which is a short and cheap train ride away. I dont know though, the cheapest I could find would set me back around £280 and I really dont have money to spare. If I did go though, I would go in the 2 weeks here that aren't technically part of your course and I would maybe go for a week or 10 days so it would be worth it - then again on the other hand when I got back it would be 6 weeks til it's over and like I said earlier - is it really worth it? I mean, of course it is - to see Hans and my friends and family anything is worth it - but I mean is it worth it just a couple of months before I come home anyway? Who knows. I'll talk to Hans - maybe I am just torturing myself again for no good reason.

So anyway - actual uni work. I haven't spoken about it this week, we were still working last week on the course about Space (as in spaces around us and not the thing with all the stars, planets and darth vadar) The last project lasted nearly the whole week (though I was sick for 2 days so only got just over a day to work on it) Luckily though I had had ideas and sketched them out at home, I could have joined another group when I got back and took credit for their work but the teachers liked my idea and said I should try and make it.

The task was to build a speace representing your daydream (I think) When the class were asked as a whole to think about what they daydream about, I decided that a really relevant thing for me was becoming fluent in Norwegian; I said I daydreamed about the day when I could walk in to a room and understand everything being said around me - and when someone cracked a joke and everyone laughs I can laugh along because I GET IT and don't have to stand there smiling awkwardly. I want to watch the news properly, and listen to the radio and really get to know people properly - and that is what gave me my idea. Even though I have met some lovely people and tey have become friends - there is a lways a barrier there - almost a physical wall. Neither side can say what they really want to say and be very descriptive, so I feel alone in a sense - trapped behind a wall from where I can see and hear everyone, but not yet be a part of them. Every day I am chipping away slowly at the wall and a few more holes appear - and one day it will be gone! It was actually a pretty accurate metaphor, and the way I built it could really reflect my personality - for example the holes I made in the wall were small and precise and that showed brilliantly my perfectionist traits - someone else who was less bothered about doing things correctly might be ripping the wall down with their bare hands and therefore destroying it much faster - but not me.

Full view of the finished 'walls' - my personal barrier with the Norwegian Language
and ability to communicate effectively with those around me

A view from the other side - here you see less 'holes'
(progress made)
and also Maria

A guest lecturer we had in the class wanted to try it out - Odd østbyx -
he really loved the idea and offered me a cookie, perhaps as a reward?

What the 'barriers' look like from inside - pretty
cool structure I think

Finally - a distorted view of the outside from one of the openings -
people I can see and hear but not quire reach - YET!

I was pretty please with it in the end (yes I know it is made out of tape and cardboard but I only had 1 day!) I got really good feedback for and it was even suggested I leave it standing and then every day come and make a new opening - see what happens! Its a good idea, I may just do it! It would ceratainly be a good ongoing project to document whilst I am here.

Anyway, I am going to go and wash my hair - I think I am seeing Maria and Anita again tonight for some food (hopefully) I am very glad I met them both, they are very kind and really nice people and its friends like that who are making it easier and fun to be here. I hope I keep in contact with them when I come home...

Until next time

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