Tough day - but getting better

I am definately feeling better than I was earlier, but still a bit shaky - thanks especially to Andy, Hannah, Rob and of course Hans for all doing their bit to cheer me up!

Andy sent me an email that was very thoughtful and right on the button with lot of the points he made, Rob reminded me that people back home want me to do as well as I can, and poor Hannah has had me waffling at her on msn just about all day! Thanks guys!!!

Hans came home from training, read my blog post and gave me a call on Skype. Then being his usual sweet and calming self, he proceeded to cheer me up! He reminded me that I would "kick myself up the arse forever" if I gave in now, without even starting my course, and that of course it feels like forever because I am at the wrong end of it. He said if I still felt this bad after a few weeks, then we could talk again about coming home, but I know he beleives in me and knows I'll work really hard and hopefully time will start to pass more quickly. I made a calendar type thing, so I can cross off the days until until I finish here and see him again! I have put it up by my bed and I'll cross off a day every night :-) It might seem something small but it made me feel a little better. After today, 118 days to go.

My homemade calendar above my bed!

I also offered to do some free graphci design for a couple of friends who have started their own business;

PA TEAM - LIVE SOUND ENGINEERING SERVICES (www.pa-team.co.uk )

(There you go mate, extra advertising!) I thought it would help to keep me busy anyway, and my mind occupied , give me something to focus on until I settle into a routine. Also, it's always nice to help out friends!

The girl I met yesterday messaged me on MSN earlier, we chatted a bit more and weather permitting we will meet tomorrow afternoon in town and take a walk up to the 'Fløibanen' which is just a place at the top of one of the mountains surrounding Bergen, and when you get there you get AMAZING views apparantly. Apparantly there are also alot of trails and tracks leading up to it and it's quite a good walk, so hopefully we can go together (I'll take my camera) and then afterwards we can grab something to eat. I have a bad feeling she'll cancel on me, but maybe not - maybe I'm still being paranoid and feeling sorry for myself!

Apart from that I haven't done much else today - just spent the afternoon and evening pulling myself out of the gutter (where I wasfeeling so miserable)

I was so excited about this trip a few weeks ago - excited and nervous, when will I start enjoying it???

xxx

PANIC!!!

I'm panicking a bit right now.

I don't know if I can do this for 4 months - I KNOW people keep saying it's not a long time, I'm sick of hearing that to be honest, but I really miss Hans. It really does feel like there is somethng missing, i can't settle. It IS a long time to be apart from someone you live with and spend so much time with, if you don't think it is just try it >:-[

I have been wondering how hard it would be to just come home. I mean, I haven't registered for anything on the course yet. The place is beautiful, and they school looks great, it feels like everything is going on behind thick glass and i can see it but not be a part of it. I would be loving this so much if Hans was here, just how it was earlier in the week. I feel I have alot to lose either way. If I stay I face being miserable and 4 months feeling like 400 years, and if I go back I have wasted time and money, and I might never forgive myself - I have never given up on anything before.

I don't know what to do.

The welcome party at Klubb Fantoft...

Well, this is my fist weekend of not having much in particular to do... if I was home I would be watching tv with a coffee right now, and getting ready to go to Hans' MMA class.

The party was ok ish last night, I got there at 10:30pm and most people had been drinking since 9:00pm, so people were pretty hammered. Only about 4 other exchange students showed up, and they were all on the same course and had spent to day together, and after a short while all dissapeared to one of their rooms as the klubb got packed... they asked me if I wanted to go but I took the number and said I might go later, I really don't fancy sitting in someones room when I am supposed to be meeting people!

Anyway, I got talking to a local girl, her name was Ida. We got talking and had a drink and then she introduced me to some other Norwegians, so at least I know a couple of people now. The only problem was everyone was drunk and you know how it is trying to have conversations with drunk people... either that or everyone around here is just a bit odd. Who knows? Anyway, we got talking about training and stuff and she asked me how i kept so svelte (i liked that bit!) and i told her about martial arts, etc etc. I have not decided yet wether I am going to join the gym, or the thai boxing gym, I can't do both it'll be too expensive - so I invited her to come and watch a thai boxing class with me next Tuesday and if it looks good, maybe we'll both give it a go.

So, anyway she added me to msn last night and I emailed her today to see if she was still up for it (as the things you want to do when sober are totally different to the the things you want to do when hammered!) so we'll just see what happens.

She introduced me to 2 of her friends; one was a guy from her course (can't remember his name) and I kind of stayed away from him, I got a bad impression of him and he came across as a bit of an idiot, and the other was this other guy called Atle, who was really nice but odd as well. (everyone is so odd here) But he comes from this tiny island in the far north of Norway so I doubt he has had much social contact before, so i'll let him off for being a bit strange... all he talked about to me was they sky... oh we did have a good conversation about dialects...

After I had a glass of wine (which was only £3.50 - the cheapest have seen by far!) I relaxed a bit, and I listed to Ida and her friend talking and picked up most of what they were saying, which surprised me - and surprised Ida when I repeated the conversation. Maybe it's like Hans says, I just need to relax and listen - not focus too hard and get all worked up by trying to understand every single little word... we'll see. I am starting to doubt that 4 months here will make much of a difference at all.

I also saw the guy I originally shared a room with, so it was good to say hi again, but I had to convince him he didn't scare me off and that I just wanted a single apartment! I think he understands really why I didn't want to share a room with a guy!

Anyway, it's only 11:00 am and just about everyone will be in bed with hangovers. I am going to go to the laundry and figure it out, and I will take my Norwegain course with me!

Bye for now

xxx

Welcome meetings and stave churches!

The welcome meeting went ok this morning, all of the other exchange students seemed really nice - they were from everywhere! germany, switzerland, estonia, austria, poland, denmark - amongst many others! There is a 'welcome party' tonight at the Klubb here (Fantoft) so I'm meeting all of the other exchange students there at 9:00pm - fingers crossed it goes well! It was a little awkward at first going with the girl I spoke to yesterday, but it worked out. She seemed really nice!

Also, as I kept telling everyone before I left, I do want to get to know Norwegians too so I can try and get better at the language. To be honest I don't think I will get much better at speaking and understanding Norwegian by just living here without making Norwegian friends - everyone speaks English! I can listen to the radio and everything but I can do that at home, it's not the same as interacting with others...

...ANYWAY, I saw a poster this morning advertising a scheme called 'buddy bergen' and I have just signed up for it; You basically put a bit about yourself (name, age, course and a few interests) and it matches you up with a Bergen 'native' student - and they become your buddy, take you places, show you around, etc. I thought that was a great idea so I signed up straight away, I hope it doesn't take too long to get sorted... You HAD to put interests down though, and pick from a huge list, it will get you a better match if you have things in common but it might also really narrow it down - I wonder how many people there are in Bergen who like boxing, walking, cafes, gyms, and Languages??? lol, there must be someone! Maybe I should have picked boozing, that's all students seem to want to do... (no offence students)

The school and course structure is so weird - completely different to what I am used to; I am meeting with my personal tutor next week and we will discuss how I will plan my semester. Basically, there are loads of different courses and projects running throughout the term, and they all have limited places available (ranging from day courses to 2 weeks!) You have to apply and register online throughout the term for the different courses you are interested in, as long as it has some relevance to what you are studying. At the end of the term, you meet with your lecturer and an external teacher and discuss your work; see how well you stuck to your plan, and if you didn't then you have to defend your reasons. Then and only then they decide if you get either all the credits or none at all! It's really strange, and I'm not sure I understand it yet, but I think I am meeting my tutor next week and they will help me put a plan together...

I went to the police station after to try and register myself as being in the country (which you have to do if you're staying longer than 3 months) and after queueing for ages (how the hell do you spell queueing, is that right??!) the guy at the counter told me to fill out a form and then take it so this meeting thing next week and it will be collected. I'm not sure what he meant, so I'll just take it everywhere with me! I asked him everything in Norweian though, which I was pleased about :-)

I took a walk this afternoon to the local stav kirke (stave church) and also asked directions in Norwegian so I was all pleased with myself then too! The woman was a way in front of me though so I had to shout 'unnskyld!' at the top of my voice, she turned around really fast and looked a bit shocked... 'ja?' 'twas funny :0)

The walk was lovely and the church was beautiful, (another gorgeous warm and sunny day here - what's going on?) The church was one of the ones burnt down in the 1990's by the satanist black metaller 'the Count' from 'Burzum' (quite a famous crime, I already knew of it) he burnt down loads of stave churches and stabbed 2 people! They don't have the death penalty here, and the guy at the entrance was saying that he wished they did have it - apparantly all Norwegians want this guy shot! Then he went off the track a bit and started saying something about needing to be shot if you listened to death metal in general, lol... Anyway, it has been rebuilt, and it's gorgeous. Some parts are original, like most of the entrance gate, the cast iron door handles, a mystical stone brought from israel (that looks like a doorbell!), the jesus figure on the crucifix and the stone cross outside. I originally thought the cross was a grave, but apparantly it is a really old 'meeting stone' which was used like a church before the churches were around - people met there to worship, marry, be sentenced to death, you know - all the normal stuff :-)

The stav kirke

Inside the stav kirke

The stone cross

The original door handle

Burnt and blistered wood :-(

It was nice to go on my own and didn't bother me too much, but still I think it's better with someone to natter with! Also, I know that Hans worries about me as he says he doesn't want me to be (quote) "waffling around on my own"... I was alone, Hans - but it was in the afternoon and it was a tourist attraction - lots of folk about. I wont waffle around alone when it gets dark! promise! OH! nearly forgot sweety - I did exactly what you told me not to do today - I missed my stop and had to get off a stop later! and it's not like missing a stop in Derby - NOT AT ALL - a 15 minute walk back to my apartment! that'll teach me! got a couple of nice pics though :-)

Still really missing you, I will everyday... it was really nice to talk last night though (Hans sorted Skype for me and I also have a webcam on my laptop) so we could see and talk to each other for free - knowing we can do that when we need to makes it a little easier.

Anyway, I'm going to go and have a shower and get ready for the welcome party - I don't have any other plans for the weekend (because I don't know anyone yet!) I might check out the gym and do some laundry. Uncle Andy (ha ha) has sent me some comics to read on my laptop which I haven't looked at yet, so I'll get all that sorted at the weekend too!

Bye bye xxx (love you Hans!)

Pictures of my apartment (now I have cleaned it!)

This is what I look at when I'm working - pictures of my Hans, cards, other photos;
Hans put them up for me too - thank you angel!!!

One of the views from outside my window

Kitchen - really cosy now I cleaned it!!!

Work area!

Random chairs, etc...

My bed, it was much nicer when Hans snuggled up in it with me though :-(

There are a few more on facebook.

x

Keeping busy

Last night was ok... well actually bits of it were ok, most of it was horrible! I miss Hans so much, but I'll get by. Right now I just want to come home, but I'll stick at it. I would really dissapoint myself if I didn't - plus Hans bought me loads of stuff for my room so it would be a waste of money!

I felt poorly last night, I think it was just the stress (my gums are all sore today!!!) so I went to bed - pretty late - and was up at 7:00 (well, 6:00 to you guys!) cleaning the fridge out - it's like new now! So I just went to the shop, (my first shop alone) to by some stuff to put in it (and more milk as the milk from yesterday went off!) So I have been up 3 hours and just drinking my first coffee now!

I know it sounds pathetic, but the shop made me sad again - because I was just in there yesterday with Hans and he was giving me hints and tips and telling me what everything was... I wish he was here :-( oh well, guess I have to snap out of it. It's weird because I'm not nervous, being in a new place doesn't bother and the city is beautiful, and being on my own isn't a problem, I can keep myself occupied and find things to do - it literally is just missing Hans. He is my other half, and it really feels like something is missing

Oh well, like Hans said yesterday - this will be so good for us. I think we'll miss each other so much and Chrsitmas will just be amazing! I think he is going to try and visit me at least once, but I know it'll be difficult so I'm not going to get my hopes up over it. We'll see.

I found the laundry earlier so later will try my luck at a wash, just bought all of the detergent stuff. I saw a girl in the shop with her dad that I had seen before - I think she moved in the day after us - we saw her in reception and we overheard her dad speaking and he was English, Hans suggested if I see her again I try and talk to her so at least I know one person. So when I saw her in the shop that's what I did! I said hi, and we had a little chat and it turns out she is going to the same art school as me (to do fine art though, not graphic design) so I suggested we meet tomorrow at reception and go to the welcome meeting together. So that'll be a bit less scary for both of us I think! I'm jealous though, her dad is staying with her until Monday - wish Hans was :-( I'm proud of myself for just walking up to someone, but it's what I'll need to do to to make friends. Maybe she just thought I was a desperate weirdo!!!

Anyway, thanks to Ruth and Jo for keeping me talking on msn last night and really taking my mind off things, and to Hannah and Andy for your kind words, and also to everyone who has emailed me! I really needed to not think about stuff last night and it really helped. I guess this blog helps too in a way...

Bye for now!

x

Arriving and Settlng in Bergen - the first few days

Well, to carry on from the post before my last really sad one!

After we crashed out the first day we arrived, we woke up feeling knackered and with really bad headaches. Both of us were a little uneasy, as we came to realise over night that as well as sharing with a bloke, he also knew the 2 guys in the room opposite and they left the front door open all the time - never locked. They were back and forth between rooms and basically it was like sharing a small flat with 3 guys!

I don't think either of us were comfortable with it; Hans didn't like the idea of me living with 3 guys, particularly as they kept the doors unlocked which was a security hazard, and I didn't feel comfortable sharing a shower with them to be honest. When we went down to the reception to get my internet account sorted, I mentioned it to the receptionist and she was really concerned and really helpful and moved me to a different room - so now I have a single person apartment all to myself! Admittedly, I am going to have to do a bit more cleaning right off the bat - especially in the kitchen. Whoever was here before obviously did nothing but fry stuff, there are little grease blobs everywhere and the kitchen smells really stale. I have been armed with plenty cleaning materials so I shall probably have fun cleaning it. The flat itself is more compact, but cosier - there is more storage and there is alot of wood around which I like - the last room was new and really clinical. As soon as I find my camera charger I'll take some pics and post them...

We went into town (sentrum) after we had sorted the room, I felt a bit sick (and nearly passed out on the bus) as we hadn't really eaten properly the whole day before, and had been running around like mad all morning on an empty stomach too. We got into the town and sat and shared a sandwich on the beautiful park in the centre of the centre! Bergen is basically nestled around a port (which flows in to a fjord) and is completely surrounded by mountains (which Hans explained is why it is such a rainy city)

The mountain view from the park...

After we ate, we took a really lovely walk up to the port, checking out different shops as we went as there were still quite a few bits I needed to buy. Hans suggested we go to the Akvariet (the aquarium) so we started making our way there. The weather every day so far has been amazing - really sunny and warm which apparantly is very lucky for Bergen!

Hans by the port...

Anyway we had a really nice time at the aquarium, they had loads of crocodiles (some huge!) and we watched a funny little show with the sealions while we had coffee and ice cream :-)

Then we took a slow walk back, picked up some bits for the room and started to make our way back to the hostel. (Hans found an 'Outlander' shop - like Games Workshop / Forbidden planet, so got a bit sidetracked and bought some minatures!) The we decided while we were in the centre that we would get food in town - we went to TGI Fridays (I have never been before) yummy burgers!

We got back and Hans set up my internet and webcam and everything, and I set to work on the hob and surrounding area. It was baked on more than I thought so it took me AGES of scrubbing and washing :-( I forgot to buy gloves aswell so my nails pretty much fell off! Had to cut off what was left of them anyway. Hans saw how stressed I was getting with it, and took it upon himself to blitz the shower and toilet and the kitchen floor - it was such a help! Thank you angel!!!

That was pretty much it for that day - we were tired again so just went to sleep.


Hans' last day :-(
Today was Hans' last day here. I couldn't get it off my mind, and got upset whenever I thought about it - I couldn't talk about it to Hans!

We did necessary bits and bobs around the student place, found my post box, bought more cleaning stuff - then we went into town again pretty early. As mentioned in my sad post Hans brought his luggage along with him as he planned to make sure I was sorted in town and then get a taxi to the airport. Anyway, I have told the story before, we ended up coming back here, but we managed to get a few more bits sorted in town and had another nice coffee! Oh, and a nice sandwich at the park again! We tried to register me at the police station but it was only open til 1:00 and we got there a bit after, so i will need to go there later in the week - you need to register if you're staying in the country more than 3 months and get an ID number and everything.

Anyway, you know what happens next - we came back and Hans had to go. I went into it enough earlier I can't go into it again. I was really upset earlier - I am better than I was but I feel exhausted from the strain of it. Really shaky.

I have finished unpacking so now waiting to hear from Hans again before I go to bed, he texted me when he got off the plane and when he got on the train to Derby. So I know he's ok!

I miss you so much sweety!!!

xxx