Saturdays are really tough every week - even if I know I am doing something later on in the evening, I always get pretty sad and homesick. Maybe because it's the longest period of time I am here and on my own, I don't think it's just that though...
I think about Hans and what he is doing, and I wish I was there. I mean, Friday nights are ours almost without fail every week, we eat tacos or something else relatively 'treat based' and we watch all of our series and maybe a film.. It's a proper 'cuddle up and watch tv' couple night. Then saturdays we kind of do our own thing in the morning; I will normally clean and have a late breakfast, Hans will have a bit of a lie in and then prepare class stuff for the MMA session. We train, then afterwards we either go into town and do some shopping or just drive to Marks and Spencers, get some snacks for then and food for the evening, and go home and relax... I think my favourite is going to town, because we will normally spend an hour or 2 walking around holding hands, & almost always without fail visiting holland and barratts, games workshop and forbidden planet :-) If I am lucky Hans will agree to sit and be bored to death while I have a coffee somewhere, and if I am extra lucky Rob and Lorna will meet us for a coffee with my nieces... I love and I miss it so much.
I think that it's a culmination of things; yesterday I thought alot about Evan Tanner who I posted about - and situations like that always hit me hard; people are taken away so suddenly and so many things are left undone and unsaid. Then also, being away from Hans, and thinking about the things we do together normally makes me sad too - and even though I know it's not forever (98 days today by the way - double figures!) it sometimes feels like it is, and I feel like I will never get those days back.
Even though they are simple, routine things - that is what is important in this life. Spending time with the friends and family - the people you love, just being yourself and being happy, that is what this life is all about. Your job, education, all the other stuff yes it matters of course it does, but at the end of the day I think love is the most important thing in this world. I know I have spoken to some friends and colleagues who think I am silly and naive for believing in true love and soulmates, love at first sight and all that (I mean, I didn't until it happened to me so I don't blame them) but it's not silly - there is somone out there for eveyone and even though I am sad and feel so far away, I know I am lucky. We are both lucky to have each other..
..and that is it - that is the essence of the frustrated feeling I have here - I know how lucky I am and how important every minute together is because it can (god forbid) be gone in an instant. Even though I am doing this for me, us - our future together - it feels like I am sacrificing such precious moments to do this.
I love you Hans, and Rob and Lorna and the girls and mum and dad and ruth, ryan, rox, Josh, Beth, Junior, Bobberty, Tiny, Fluffy, the Nogueiras and Renzo, and Hannah and Phil and Andy and ...ok this could go on for a while - all of my family, and all of my friends I miss you all. But especially you, Hans - I love you forever!