Wednesday, 20 August 2008


I will update properly later, I really can't now...

Hans just left about 20 minutes ago, it's killing me and I can't stop crying. I love him so much and I miss him like crazy. He is the biggest part of my life, we do everything together and we are both the happiest we have ever been just being next to each other. This is so hard! :-(

I don't know why I'm doing this right now, it feels like a waste of time. It feels stupid and I just want to be with him, and I want to be going home so much. I am so angry at myself for ever thinking this was a good idea, It's been great to have Hans with me, we got buses together and got to know the town so at least I am not scared to go into the city alone now, and I have some wonderful memories of things we did here. But I feel so lonely, I don't know a single person yet, and I miss Hans - I don't think I've ever been so sad. So many things here are reminding me of him - in a good way but still it's so so sad - he has been amazing, doing so much over the last few days to make sure I am comfortable and ok - even down to buying me little plants to make my room cosier and buying me huge bags of pasta so I don't starve. I feel bad in a way because he is spoiling me but I know it makes him feel better too, he cares for me so much. I'm so lucky.

I didn't go to the airport with him in the end, I think both of us realised the goodbye would be too hard. We went into town earlier and Hans was going to get a taxi to the airport from there, but I was getting so upset, I knew I would make an idiot of myself in the street. I was worrying about it alot so we came back here. Poor Hans carried his luggage around town for hours for no reason :-(

I'm not going to do anythig today, I will stay in my room and unpack and clean and try and keep busy. I don't want to go out. If I feel up to it in a couple of hours I will write my blog properly about the last couple of days, because they have been wonderful. It might upset me, but at the same time I don't want to forget anything.

Hans, I love you so much. Thank you for being the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm sorry I have gone away. I'm sure it was for all good reasons, but I am struggling to remember them right now. I really appreciate so much everything you have done the last few days, please please please set up your webcam fast so I can see you again! :-( :-( :-(

I have to go now, I can't see the screen :-(

All my love forever angel eyes

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